No matter how many magical things beer does, it never ceases to amaze me.
In the past, it has saved our country from complete embarrassment by allowing our degenerate gambler of a president to pay back his debts. Whoa! Relax, NSA. It was just a joke. Why are your hands so cold?
In the future, it will help us recover from extreme physical exertion by becoming a sports drink. (Listen, Canada. I know we make a lot of jokes at your expense here, but I think I speak for all of us in the U.S. when I say thank you for making that happen. We will chill out with the Rob Ford jokes starting now.)
Damn. I meant starting now. Sorry, Canada. That’s on me.
But oh yeah, beer. Beer isn’t just satisfied with getting shit done in the past and future. Oh no. Beer is working on…
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